Old Lady at Heart

This seemed like a good way to avoid studying for the bar examination.


sorry y’all, i felt like an early 90’s ralph lauren ad yesterday and i ashamedly kinda can’t get over how much i liked it

This is pretty much my go-to fall outfit…!

(via fatisattractive)

Anais Mitchell feat. Ben Knox Miller and Justin Vernon

—Wait For Me

(Source: bluejayway-lucy)


A young couple rest together during visit to the park 
California 1965
Bruce Davidson


A young couple rest together during visit to the park 

California 1965

Bruce Davidson

MMFD Fic: “No Alarms and No Surprises” - Chapte 4


Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

You guys… you say the most wonderful things! Thank you all for the amazing comments, reblogs and likes. Now, I can tell that you’re all a bit masochistic, and you want more heartache and angst. I think you’ll find what you’re looking for in Chapter 4 ;)

* Many thanks to madfatty for being a patient and awesome beta reader and advice giver :) *

Every word she says cuts him like a knife and he still hasn’t looked at her. He hates that he’s disappointing her but she doesn’t understand what he’s dealing with here. Her voice is hesitant when she asks, “Do you not like Chris?”

Chapte 4

She comes to his house early the next morning, at an ungodly hour for a Sunday. He’s still blurry eyed when she follows him into the kitchen and he starts making coffee. His head is still pounding from last night’s drinking, and he knows what’s coming and he’s not in the mood.

“Where’d you fuck off to last night?”

“Just had to go.”


“Somewhere, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay, Finn. It was important to me to have you be there.”

Well, not everything revolves around you, he wants to tell her, but that would be just too much of a lie. He’s standing with his back to her, waiting for the kettle to boil. But she comes to stand next to him, shoves her presence in his face.

“I wanted you to meet Chris, Finn. Everyone else made the effort to get to know this guy I’m seeing, but where was my best mate? Where was the person who should be the most glad to know that I have a boyfriend?”

Every word she says cuts him like a knife and he still hasn’t looked at her. He hates that he’s disappointing her but she doesn’t understand what he’s dealing with here. Her voice is hesitant when she asks, “Do you not like Chris?”

“Jesus fuck, Rae, I don’t know Chris, do I? I don’t give a shit about Chris, I don’t even want to hear the name Chris anymore, all right?”

The following silence is painful. He doesn’t need to lift his eyes to know that she’s almost crying. He hears it in her voice when she whispers, “Way to be supportive, mate.”

Well, fuck that. He turns in anger, “Why d’you need me to like him, anyway? You’re obviously going to do whatever you decide to do. I don’t need to bloody hear all about it -“

"You don’t need to hear about it?" She repeats, incredulous. Finn makes a tactical retreat to the other side of the kitchen, but she’s following, "You don’t need to hear about it?! Let me check here, this is still you and me, right?” She stands tall in front of him, in her classic Rae way, never giving an inch. "Because I had to sit there for four years, and listen to you go on about every girl in Lincolnshire, and what she said to you, and what she likes, and what she sounds like when she comes, and I was there for the whole thing, like a supportive friend, and not once have I told you that I think you’re a man whore, and you’re disgusting to me."

There’s a mug of coffee in his hand and it’s shaking and spilling on the floor. He doesn’t know how they got here. This is a nightmare.

His voice is high and cracked when he manages a weak, “Nice one, Rae. I’m a disgusting whore with no life, just a waste of space, right? You laugh about it with your minging boyfriend?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t even know what you’re on about now.”

"Well, have a think while I’ll go stack some boxes at the back of the DIY Center."

That got her. Points to Mr. Nelson, for managing to get Rachel Earl in an argument for once. She looks down at her Converse-clad feet. “He shouldn’t have said that.”

"Fuck what he should have done, I don’t give a toss about him. You should have said something, though." He points at her. "Way to be supportive, mate."

"Well, you shouldn’t have sat there all night with a face like a slapped arse. He was being dead nice to ya and you just sat there!”

A sound comes out of Finn’s mouth, a laugh or a snort or just something someone makes when he’s got nothing to yell back. “Whatever,” he mumbles and sits at the table, puts the mug down finally.

Rae stands and stares at him. After a few seconds, he stares back. Folds his arms across his chest, but fuck if he knows anymore what he’s being so defiant about.

Rae’s voice echoes in the kitchen. “What happened to you, Finn, to make you such a… such a bitter old man?”

His head shots up, “You did!”

“Me?” Points to Mr. Nelson again, as she is speechless for about four seconds. Four seconds of mercy before everything hits the fan.

Rae’s palms hit the kitchen table, like a cop in a TV show, interrogating a witness. “I turned you bitter and beat down, did I? How did I do that, Finn? By following you around like a puppy, going along with whatever you had in mind?”

“Is that what you think we’ve been doing?”

“I think it was bloody convenient for you to have a fat, unthreatening, mad girl about, who never asked anything of ya, just gave ya attention and support, and put her life on hold while you got on with yours.”

Your life is on hold? You’re the one who went to bloody London and started changing every good thing about yourself.” He shakes his head, and inside he is shaking. “And I never saw you as any of those things -“

"Yeah, sure, you always tell me I’m beautiful and special, and that things will happen for me one day. Well, they are happening now and you’re being a dick! Maybe you don’t really want me to get better. You just want me to be this fat sidekick, your comic relief, and you can tell me every little thought that comes to your head and I’m just there to listen and nod, say something funny every now and then, but I don’t get to have an actual plot in the Finn Nelson Show. Well bollocks to that!"

"You are insane." He doesn’t have her way with words.

"Whatever Finn. It’s become clear lately that this friendship isn’t a two-way street. Whether you like it or not, things are changing for me. And I like it, I think I’m better. I’m more confident and I accept myself more…" her voice fades and she stands, walks around a little. "He likes me, Finn, the way I am, in a way no one really has, so why is that bad?"

He just wants to put his head down and cry. Of course it’s not bad, he wants to tell her, it’s amazing all those things you’re doing. But it’s too much too fast, aren’t you scared? Aren’t you bricking it that things might fall apart? And in the back of his mind the terrible thought comes, unbidden - that Chris actually is good for her. That she’s been making amazing progress since she’d met him. That he gives her something that Finn never had. So where does that leave him, anyway? He’s not her lover, and now he’s not ever her best friend anymore.

He looks at her, how beautiful she is, wearing her old clothes, the rock-girl clothes he loves, and although they are a little too loose around her now, and although her hair is a little shorter now, she is still his 20p Girl, has been all this time. He knows it’s time to get up and do it. Say it. I’m the one who likes you the way you are, I’m the one -

And then she says, in a tiny, girly voice that sends a tingle down his body, “Finn, he… makes me feel… good.” Her eyes go up to meet his, hesitating. For a minute there, Finn is not breathing.

Then he’s up on his feet. “I’m done with this conversation now, Rae. I think you should go.”

Her eyes are big and lovely and cold, following him as he turns to leave the kitchen, basically showing her the door. “That’s how you wanna leave things between us?”

“Jesus, quit being so fucking dramatic.”

“Fuck you, it’s dramatic to me! For the first time ever I got – “

But he doesn’t want to hear what she’s been getting lately for the very first time. He just wants her to leave, to go, to not be there, his head is splitting in two, and he’s splitting in two - “Yeah, I get it, I know that he’s fucking ya, and I get that you’re all excited about finally becoming a woman or whatever the fuck, but don’t expect the rest of us to…” Jesus, he doesn’t know how to finish that horrid sentence because he can’t remember starting it.

“Well, shit,” The look on Rae’s face is something he won’t ever forget, and it cuts him to his core. Tears stream down her face freely. “You’re really showing your true colours, aren’t you?” she wipes her tears as she goes to the door, and she doesn’t even turn around when she says, “Doesn’t matter. I’m done with you anyway.”

Finn sits on the floor in the hallway and rubs at his aching temples. That’s how his father finds him an hour later.




After that, there are ten whole weeks where he and Rae Earl are not in contact. She doesn’t answer his e-mails, she doesn’t take his phone calls. He leaves messages with her mum, who smiles at him in an understanding way but says there’s nothing she can do for him. He talks to Archie about it, to fucking Chloe about it, no one seems to be able to tell him what to do. “You really fucked up, what can I tell ya.” Chloe says to him with her new–found wisdom. “Should have been a better friend to her, the way she’s always been to you.”

“Thanks, Chlo.” He frowns at her.

“Oh, sure thing.” 

“That really helps a lot.”

“Glad to help.” And she smiles at him, Team Rae all the way.

They all give him advice wrapped in all kinds of metaphors he doesn’t understand. What should I do, Archie? “I don’t know, mate, get the thumb out of your arse?” And Chloe says – open your fucking eyes and take a good look at your life. Izzy breezes into the shop one day just to pick up some light bulbs for her dad, and has to sit there for forty minutes and listen to Finn moan about Rae not giving him the time of day. She pets his shoulder and smiles, “Well, now you know how it feels!” and he doesn’t know what everyone is talking about, but to be fair he doesn’t ask them to clarify and he forgets their words as soon as they say them, and every one of these conversations gives him a raging headache.

He feels abandoned. How can they all take her side on this? The girls are one thing, of course they’ll form a wall to protect her (and he’s kinda pleased about that, but where was his wall?), and Archie is practically living with Rae, so no joy there. But Chop should have been a bit more sympathetic to his pitiful state. Instead he seemed to be enjoying the whole situation, taking the piss when Finn is obviously heart sick.

Best mate though he is, Chop’s no help when one evening, four days into the Rae Freeze-Out, Chloe zooms into the pub and rushes to the table with a huge grin on her face, dragging Izzy to the bathroom for some emergency girl-talk. Finn just knows this is about Rae, and he doesn’t know whether to perk up or wilt. The girls take ages and when they come out they’re all giggly and annoying, and he asks Chloe what’s the deal, but she refuses to let him in on the delicious news. She says it’s none of his business. Finn tells her that anything to do with Rae is his business. Chloe makes a face and a huffing noise like she cannot believe what a wanker he is, and she closes the door on the argument by tossing her hair behind her shoulder and stating that if Rae had wanted him to know what’s been going on with her, she would have told him herself. So now it’s in his head that things are going on, huge things, potentially horrifying things, are going on without him knowing. But he lets it go because he knows that eventually Izzy will tell Chop and Chop will get pissed and tell him. “Another pint, mate?” he offers, magnanimously.

They drink heavily until Chloe says she’s dead on her feet and leaves. Izzy leaves soon after, and Finn feels it’s okay to talk about what he always wants to talk about. “Can’t believe Chlo won’t tell me wha’s going on,” he slurs. “Hate thish so much. She could be, like, deciding to go to A-Africa or… someplace and I don’t even know, or she could be cutting her hair short, like, real fucking short, mate.” He raises scared eyes to chop, only to see his mate sniggering like crazy.

"Tha’s not it, though," Chop giggles, fucking beside himself as he sing-songs ‘I know what Raemundo’s up to and you-u don’t!’ which gets him a drunk, blurry Finn threatening him with bodily harm if he doesn’t spill. 

No amount of alcohol in his system could prepare Finn or cushion the blow of hearing the words, “Our innocent little Raemundo isn’t so innocent anymore! Apparently, last night she finally let that Chris guy pop her cherry!”

The pint glass Finn is holding slams into the table. His eyes are wide and unfocused as he stares at Chop, who keeps chuckling and says (not very kindly or funnily at all), “Guess she got tired of waiting on ya.”

Finn has a migraine for two days after that. 




His dad’s worried. He gives Finn space, because he can tell that it’s a broken heart situation, but then, when there are more and more days spent in bed with the curtains shut, fighting a migraine, his dad takes him to see a doctor. They do tests, scan his brain. His dad is fretting out of his mind but Finn is sort of numb about the whole thing. They find nothing. The doctor surmises that the headaches are stress-related. Finn and his dad look at each other, puzzled. Finn does nothing and goes nowhere. He has zero percent stress in his life.

After a short lecture on the subject of excessive drinking and smoking and their effects, even on a young man like him, the doctor hands them a card with a name written on it - a recommendation for a therapist. Finn is polite and courteous until they leave the doctor’s office, then he tells his dad he might consider cutting down on his vices, but that there’s no way he’s going to therapy.

"’Course you are!" says his dad, and his voice goes up at the end of the sentence in a comical way, but he’s not joking around.

"Dad, I don’t need that crap, I’m fine."

"How are you fine, spending days moping in your room nursing a headache?"

"That’s from drinking, I won’t drink so much. Anyway, I’m not going to pour my heart out to some poxy shrink - " he reads the card, "Dr. Joan Levine". 

"Oh, you’re going, son. ‘Cause you sure don’t pour your heart out to me." Says Nelson Sr. with a special voice he uses very rarely.

So that’s how Finn meets Dr. L.


In the beginning he goes twice a week (talk about over kill!). Sits with his arms folded and gives a lot of monosyllabic answers, lots of “dunno’s” and shrugging of shoulders. Unfortunately, Dr. L. is not the least bit discouraged by this. She keeps asking him questions even when he doesn’t answer, always collected, always patient, with her posh educated voice. She asks how he is today, what has he been up to, is he close to his father, how does he like his job at the DIY center, does he feel intellectually challenged there, does he have any friends there, did he like school, does he have any hobbies or interests he’d like to tell her about? What does he do when he leaves her office? Who are his friends? Who does he miss?

When you ask so many questions, eventually you’re bound to stumble onto the right one.




madfatty mmirallegross bitchy-broken milymargot fantasticab rinncincin  chrryblsms jackiewalsh2013 penguinsandbowties kerrvorting-and-snorting i-dream-of-emus kneekeyta nutinanutshell raernundo lametwentysomething girlwithafoxhat mmfdfanfic

Couldn’t tag, sorry guys :(

@cant-getno-sleep @pink-royaute @courtkismet @nemo-miracle-grow @myfinnnelsonpls

Oof. This chapter hits close to home, as I am pretty sure I’ve had this exact fight.

Beautiful writing as always, slitherouter. You are absolutely nailing the dynamic of a friendship that has built a foundation on unspoken feelings.



Wonderwall (cover) - Ryan Adams

old-lady-at-heart thought this might be of particular interest to you ;)

Oh, it is.

Anais Mitchell



Anais Mitchell | Tailor

Anaïs Mitchell

—Wedding Song


Anaïs Mitchell - Wedding Song

MMFD fic: “No Sudden Movements”


"It’s a strange sort of quiet, not quite right. There’s tension between them, something that slipped in with the realization about the sharing of the bed. They’ve had sex, seen each other naked, they should be over this, but they’re not". There are still some things that need figuring out between Rae and Finn.

Note: This is a post Series Two standalone fic. And there’s sex in it.

* A huuugggee thanks to madfatty for the beta and all the helpful notes and comments. You’re lovely! *

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I love it. I absolutely love it.